Author: Kaylin Stravalli

2020: A Year in Review

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

It’s been a year.

Of course, it has actually been a year – 365 days. It has also been a year – an emotional rollercoaster. This ride had so many ups and downs, twists and turns that we got off, braced ourselves on any nearby stationary object, shook our heads, and tried to remember who and where we were, what the heck had just happened, and how we ended up here. Did I even want to go on this ride? (The answer: Likely a hard no.)

As the year changed and the anniversary of quarantine’s beginning approached, I thought about 2020. People are constantly saying on TV, on social media, in conversation what an awful year it was; and I thought, “Was it really, though? For me, personally, day-to-day, was it a completely awful year?”

So I dug a little deeper.

I looked back from start to finish. I used my planner and did some analysis as I flipped through each day, week, and month. (Mind you, this was not an overly sophisticated process: I did it on my daughter’s construction paper because it was the handiest piece of scrap paper I had at the time.) I wrote the bullet points and the highlights of each month until I had a bird’s eye view of the past year’s actions and accomplishments.

What I found: 2020 wasn’t just one thing. It was all the things, and maybe that is why it felt so overwhelming for so many people. Maybe, like me, they rode that rollercoaster through all of the ups and downs, twists and turns that came so quickly it was hard to catch their breath to scream or settle the weird “losing your stomach” feeling before the next direction change came.

Nonetheless, I also think it is easy to lose sight of the fact that there were ups, and some of those twists and turns took us in much healthier, more productive directions.

For all of the time we spent indoors, inside our homes, inside our heads, we weren’t stagnant. We kept moving. And that, friends, counts for a heck of a lot in my book – especially when moving forward (or even sideways) feels like it is taking more effort than we thought we had left to give.

So what did my 2020 look like? Well, it wasn’t all puppy dogs and rainbows or even sunshine and roses. I can tell you that. Like most, I had my share of the less desirable aspects of the year. Also, it took at least a year to gain this perspective (my personal shit-storm started in late 2019), but this exercise helped me find it.

I highly recommend you do the same and see how your year really was, not the year as told by the media or Covid-19. Maybe you will find that it was, in fact, an awful, no-good year…then again, you might find that it wasn’t so bad after all.

Here is the bird’s eye view of my 2020.

How did I spend my time, and what brought peace and joy to my life?

  • Writing: Freelancing and some writing for myself
  • In the Kitchen: Cooking, meal prepping, and baking both new and tried-and-true recipes
  • Cleaning: So. Much. Cleaning.
  • Doing Crafts: I made dog beds, table runners, and wreaths.
  • With My Daughter: From outside time, dance parties, dress up, making edible play dough, finger painting, and coloring to Mommy & Me workouts and walks outside
  • Entertainment: A huge thank you to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Disney+ for helping us distract ourselves, save our sanity, travel, have adventures, and “get out” from the safety of our living room; to my mom and my sister for recommending the Hoopla and Libby apps that connected to my St. Louis Public Library card and brought to life the audiobooks that helped me “read” more books than I would have otherwise had time to; and podcasts, so many podcasts that made me laugh, learn, think, and feel seen and understood.
  • Connecting: Phone dates, FaceTime, and a few socially distant visits with friends and family
  • Finally Venturing Out: Family drives, visits to the zoo and the pumpkin patch

What did I accomplish?

What did I learn?

  •  Transcription and Tutoring
  •  A TikTok routine with my sister as a gift for our mom on Mother’s Day
  •  Compartmentalizing
  •  The true value of a strong support system
  •  I don’t like to ask for help.
  •  My childhood uniquely prepared me for a pandemic.
  •  This is not new: Watching TV shows from 30-40 years ago confirmed that we’ve been talking and worrying about the same things as a society for much longer than we’d like to think. We are not quick learners.
  •  My husband can cut my hair. Oh yes, it happened.

What does the bird’s eye view of your 2020 look like?

Holidays + Unemployment = A Difficult Season on Many Levels

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

With stats like the ones the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported on November 6, 2020, for nonfarm employment rates, the holidays are going to be a difficult, even traumatizing time for a lot of people.

The unemployment rate was 6.9% in October (down 1 percentage point from September), which equals about 11.1 million people without jobs. Of those…

  • 3.2 million were on temporary layoff vs. 18.1 million at the height of the pandemic in April.
  • 3.7 million permanently lost their jobs.
  • 3.6 million were considered long-term unemployed, which means they have been jobless for 27+ weeks this year.

In the four weeks prior to this report, 15.1 million people were unable to work due to lost or closed businesses. Some have since found or will find employment within their industry or use transferrable skills that will keep their bank accounts in the black. Others will have to keep searching and waiting.

Of those still working, 21.2% teleworked from wherever they were sheltering in place or from home.

One or multiple of these employment scenarios are likely to be found within the same household. One partner, parent, or roommate may be gainfully employed (at limited or full-time hours) while the other is forced to stay home because COVID-19 effectively shut down their industry and eliminated the possibility of a paycheck.

This pandemic came out of nowhere and turned the whole world on its ear. People are losing jobs, losing businesses, losing their livelihoods – at no fault of their own. Knowing this, however, will not make it any easier. They will still go through the stages of grief and shame that come with feeling like you let down the people who depend on you.

It is crushing, especially as the holidays approach.

Thanksgiving? Christmas? Hanukkah? No matter the holidays you celebrate as the year comes to a close, if you don’t have a job and feel like you can’t celebrate in the way you always have, it can mess with your head. It can make you feel like the biggest disappointment or a failure for not being able to provide for yourself or your family in the way you always have.

Note: Most of the things running through your head along those lines are not true. So when they pop into your mind, repeat these words from Kelly Clarkson to yourself again and again until it finally sinks in (and it will probably take a while): That is a lie from Satan’s mouth.

You are all trying to figure out how to make ends meet, let alone celebrate the holidays and keep as many family traditions alive as possible. You’re sweating how you will give your family, partner, kids, or friends a holiday experience that won’t be wrought with stress and anxiety – masking your own feelings as you do; and that is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Because, let’s face it…

The holidays + flu season + the uptick of Covid cases + joblessness = Anxietyville population, 11.1 million.

And trust me, friends, I feel you. I know. I did it last year. I’m doing it this year.

I got downsized the week before Thanksgiving 2019. It meant no job and no insurance in the middle of flu season with a new baby, bills to pay, the soul crushing knowledge that on some level I had put us in this position by working there in the first place, and the entire holiday season ahead of me. Then things just kept happening. It felt like one trauma after another hit, and each was worse and more devastating than the last.

I don’t say this to invite you to join a pity party but to make those of you in the thick of this shit storm feel seen and heard. I am right there with you, braving the storm. Trust that as I have worked and powered through this year, I have not for one second forgotten how crushing the loss of a job can be – especially when you never saw it coming.

I have been living by the following notions and repeating them to myself like mantras for the past year or so as I try to remind myself that it will all be okay. Feel free to borrow them to get you through the holidays … or the days ahead that will feel just a little too hard.

  • Give yourself some grace. No one could have foreseen these circumstances. It was not your fault, so give yourself a break, work with what you’ve got, and hustle for the rest.
  • If I make things happy and fun, she will be happy and have fun.
  • Little things go a long way with little people. A Wednesday morning spent making pancakes and vacuuming is my toddler’s favorite way to start the day. Seriously, the kid loves the vacuum.
  • Give gifts from the heart rather than the store. What can I do, make, write, bake, or create that will make this person feel just as loved and cared for as they are?
  • Get creative. Make a coupon book for free but fun adventures. I gave my husband a coupon for Father’s Day that was good for a weekend fishing/camping trip. My daughter and I did some arts and crafts to make it, so it was a win all around. She had fun. It was tailored to his hobbies, and he gets a guilt-free getaway to do something that brings him peace and joy. He was pumped.
  • Think outside of the box. What do I have that someone else may need, and could we sell or trade it? (Thank you, Facebook Marketplace.)
  • This is temporary. This too shall pass. This pandemic will end. You will find work again. Things will get better.

And if all else fails… remember this:

You've Survived 100% of Your Worst Days So Far, Keep Going.

Photo Credit: Think Pozitiv

You will survive. You will learn and grow and be stronger for having lived through such a hard thing. You will have busted your butt to make ends meet and to make sure the people in your home are happy and healthy. Best of all, in the midst of chaos, you will have created a positive environment, strong coping mechanisms, and happy memories that will serve you, your family, and your friends in the long run.

So I’ll say it one more time in case you need to hear it again: Give yourself some grace and some time. Things will get better. Until then, know you are not alone. There are at least 11.1 million people in the U.S., plus one (that’s me) who understand your struggle. We’re all right here with you.