Author: Kaylin Stravalli

Time vs. Money: Making the Hard Choice

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

For months, I have been thinking about the concept of time versus money. I have been trying to wrap my mind around it. Which is more important? Which do I value more? What can I afford? How can I justify my choice, and should I even have to?

I wish I could say it had been easy to figure out, but it wasn’t.

If you have read my last few posts, you know that within the past year I have had my first baby, turned 30, and reflected on where I thought I’d be in my life by now. What you may not know is that shortly after those first two events, I returned to work to find my position had been eliminated.

Because of each of these events, I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking. I took stock of what matters most to me, what I value, what I stand for, and what I could do that would allow me to stay true to those things – and to myself – while still doing what needed to be done.

Let me tell you, the struggle. was. real.

When I found a new job, I also found myself faced with the choice between time and money. I knew in my heart and soul what I wanted and needed. I always knew what I valued and what mattered most to me. Yet, I had to wage war with myself to make the choice.

In short, I had to be able to live with myself. I had to choose the path that would honor the person I need to be and the life I need to live.

Those questions I asked myself before? They were never really the questions that needed answering. They were merely exercises in the mental gymnastics I needed to do to lead me to the real questions: How do I justify my decision? And how do I make it work?

I wasn’t struggling between the desire for money or status or a fancy job. I was struggling because I had to justify my decision to my head and – I felt – to other people.

Should you find yourself in a similar situation, you should know:

  • Looking within you to find to the answers to those questions is not easy.
  • Justifying those answers to yourself, to your partner, to your potential employer, and to your bank account is even harder.
  • You will struggle.
  • You will be judged.
  • You will pray for things you never imagined needing.
  • You will cry – a lot.

At least, that’s how it worked for me.

In the end, though, if you do the soul-searching work, you will find the answers you need.

Ultimately, I chose time. And the choice came down to this:

More time with my daughter is something that I can never get back. 

That mental gymnastics I performed helped me come to my final decision. It helped me find peace; and it gave me the freedom (if only from myself and my urge to never disappoint the people in my life) to make that decision without constantly second-guessing myself once I had.

As for other people…I know I sacrificed money and some other things that they may find foolish or silly for just one more day a week at home, but that’s okay.

They don’t have to get it.

They aren’t living my life. They have their own choices to make, and I won’t always understand those either. And that’s okay, too.

Because if there’s a choice between time and money? For me, there is no choice.

Time wins – every time.

I will always remember the things I got to do with my daughter and how much I got to watch her grow and develop into the sweet, funny, joyful person she’s becoming.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity to take this time and make these memories with her.

I will always be thankful for the support I have received from those who love me.

You see, I will hustle, and I will sacrifice. I will do everything in my power to make it work because I will never regret taking this time.

That extra day a week at home has made a huge difference in my happiness. It has allowed me to find some balance in my responsibilities, my life, and myself. It has given me time to clean my house! It has taught me how to savor moments of joy and hold onto them through the hard times and challenges. It has made me a better version of myself. And for all of that, I am immensely grateful.

I will cherish this time – always – because these stay-home days have been the best days.

I Thought by Now I’d…

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

I recently left one decade behind and went full speed ahead into another – in more ways than one; and I began taking stock of how far I’ve come in the past ten years.

The past decade has been interesting to say the least. It was full of growth and change and a roller coaster of emotions. I let go of things I loved and things that were toxic to me to explore the opportunity of finding others that would serve me better and make me happier in the long run.

And yet …  my life hasn’t quite turned out how I had imagined it would twenty, fifteen, or even ten years ago.

Fifteen to twenty years ago, I imagined that by now I would be married with at least two kids and another one on the way (or on our minds at least). I would be an active mom, raising my babies, taking part in their education, and teaching them about the world and how to be a good human. I would be published and fulfilled putting my words out into the world, helping people, and entertaining them too.

Ten years ago, I was heartbroken and more than a little lost. I truly couldn’t imagine where I would end up or how I would get there. Maybe I would be the favorite, super fun, single aunt who travels, always gives the best presents, and is the one my nieces and nephews call when their parents “just don’t get it.”

Rather than any of this, though, life looks a bit more like this quote my sister came across on the internet and shared with me than anything else:

Thoughts of Adulthood
Turning 30, for me, always signified the start of true adulthood. I would no longer be a kid, teen, or young adult. People just seemed to take 30-somethings more seriously than 20-somethings. Yet I still feel like a teenager a lot of the time – only with a lot more freedom and a lot more responsibility.

I imagined having a thriving career as a writer. I imagined writing whenever and wherever, so I could live my two biggest dreams simultaneously – being a writer and a stay-at-home mama.

It would give me the flexibility to create for myself (and my loyal and ever-growing audience of readers, of course), to be a Room Mom, to attend field trips, and get to know my kids and their friends. I imagined having a close, intimate relationship with them like the one I have with my own parents.

In reality, I accomplished only a few of my goals. I live only some of the dreams that I spent my life contemplating and pursuing.

I finished college a semester early, moved to the city where I wanted to live and work, could hang with (most of) my friends, and was still near family.

I met, dated, and married the man I had come to believe didn’t exist. (Surprise! He does.) We have one sweet, happy, healthy baby girl who lights up our lives every time she smiles. We have a dog and a house we’ve been renovating (another dream of mine).

These are the things I’ve achieved. These are the dreams I am living. And quite honestly, if these are the things I’ve accomplished in 30 years, I think I’m doing all right.

So what if I don’t have a career? Maybe the next 30 years are about building it. Maybe all the work I’ve done so far is laying the groundwork and giving me a wide variety of experience to use in the next chapter of my life and/or in my writing.

All of the things I have done and experienced thus far taught me something (or a lot of things). They made me a better person, employee, coworker, potential boss, partner, mama, daughter, sister, and friend.

If this is my life, and it looks different than I imagined 10, 15, 20 years ago, maybe that’s a good thing. It might just be the best thing.

Had my life not taken what I considered some hard lefts and detours, I may not have met my husband or had my baby girl. I might be a completely different person, perhaps even a miserably unhappy or selfish one. Maybe those things put me on a new, different, even better trajectory than I could have planned for myself.

If this is my life and I wake up to the sweet faces of my husband and my baby every morning, even as I rush to greet and get ready for the day, it is just fine with me.

Actually, I will have accomplished and be living my life’s biggest dream and greatest purpose.