Career

Purpose in My Heart

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

I woke up one morning last week with a purpose in my heart. Do you ever have that feeling? The one that feels like some of the thousands of tiny pieces you’ve been trying to fit together finally fell into place in your heart while you slept? It’s a weird one, for sure, but also… one of the coolest.

It was like all the sleepless nights I have spent trying to figure things out, all the working dreams I have had, and all of the things (big and small) that I have done and accomplished over the past several years FINALLY paid some dividends.

There was no real Aha! moment. Nothing that I woke up thinking was new. In fact, it was a bunch of thoughts I have all the time. Wishes I make regularly. Dreams I dream every day and night. So what was different?

This feeling.

I woke with a purpose in my heart to do the things I have been wishing and hoping and praying for my whole life. I felt filled with the knowledge that I was meant for it. I felt certain that it was one of the reasons I was put on this planet, that it was my way to make this world just a little bit better place to be, and that somehow, some way it was going to give me the life I’ve always felt I was meant to live. I felt confident that I was ready to move forward.

Sacrifices, compromises, and a lot of time and sweat equity will be required, but I’m finally ready to make them. I’m finally ready to pursue the things that have long felt like pipe dreams, wishful thinking, or a child’s naïveté.

And when those thoughts creeped in…Who am I to do this? What makes me qualified? What if I fail? What if I make a fool of myself? I answered myself.

Why not me? I have the education, the experience, and the interest.

What if I never try, never just do the darn thing, never put myself out there? I would regret it, and I would always wonder what might have been. I would never know how it might have changed the course of my life in ways big and small.

And honestly, I need to find a way to get back some of the qualities of the girl that I was growing up because that girl beat to her own drum and did not give a rip if it didn’t make sense to other people. It made sense to her; it made her happy; and that’s all that mattered.

Even if I fail or it doesn’t work out or it leads me down a path I never expected, at least I will know I did so by stepping out on a limb, hoping it can bear the weight of a lifetime of dreams. I will have done so trying. I will have learned and grown and ended up somewhere new. My Quality of Failure will get an A+. And that is a much better life than playing it safe and always wondering where it would have led me.

So what is the nagging idea that resurfaces in your sleep and in your daydreams? What distracts you when you’re busy doing all the things you “have to” do and makes you think, I could be doing so many other things, like ______ and is always the thing that fills in the blank.

If I were a betting woman, I’d bet something just popped into your head. What is it? Are you ready to listen to that voice yet? Are the pieces starting to fall into place in your heart?

Maybe they are, or maybe you still need some time to work your way around it before you can zero in on that thing in the center. This process is good and necessary. It leads to the Aha! moments that feel a lot more like the truth you’ve always known making itself perfect clear – in neon.

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Holidays + Unemployment = A Difficult Season on Many Levels

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

With stats like the ones the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported on November 6, 2020, for nonfarm employment rates, the holidays are going to be a difficult, even traumatizing time for a lot of people.

The unemployment rate was 6.9% in October (down 1 percentage point from September), which equals about 11.1 million people without jobs. Of those…

  • 3.2 million were on temporary layoff vs. 18.1 million at the height of the pandemic in April.
  • 3.7 million permanently lost their jobs.
  • 3.6 million were considered long-term unemployed, which means they have been jobless for 27+ weeks this year.

In the four weeks prior to this report, 15.1 million people were unable to work due to lost or closed businesses. Some have since found or will find employment within their industry or use transferrable skills that will keep their bank accounts in the black. Others will have to keep searching and waiting.

Of those still working, 21.2% teleworked from wherever they were sheltering in place or from home.

One or multiple of these employment scenarios are likely to be found within the same household. One partner, parent, or roommate may be gainfully employed (at limited or full-time hours) while the other is forced to stay home because COVID-19 effectively shut down their industry and eliminated the possibility of a paycheck.

This pandemic came out of nowhere and turned the whole world on its ear. People are losing jobs, losing businesses, losing their livelihoods – at no fault of their own. Knowing this, however, will not make it any easier. They will still go through the stages of grief and shame that come with feeling like you let down the people who depend on you.

It is crushing, especially as the holidays approach.

Thanksgiving? Christmas? Hanukkah? No matter the holidays you celebrate as the year comes to a close, if you don’t have a job and feel like you can’t celebrate in the way you always have, it can mess with your head. It can make you feel like the biggest disappointment or a failure for not being able to provide for yourself or your family in the way you always have.

Note: Most of the things running through your head along those lines are not true. So when they pop into your mind, repeat these words from Kelly Clarkson to yourself again and again until it finally sinks in (and it will probably take a while): That is a lie from Satan’s mouth.

You are all trying to figure out how to make ends meet, let alone celebrate the holidays and keep as many family traditions alive as possible. You’re sweating how you will give your family, partner, kids, or friends a holiday experience that won’t be wrought with stress and anxiety – masking your own feelings as you do; and that is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Because, let’s face it…

The holidays + flu season + the uptick of Covid cases + joblessness = Anxietyville population, 11.1 million.

And trust me, friends, I feel you. I know. I did it last year. I’m doing it this year.

I got downsized the week before Thanksgiving 2019. It meant no job and no insurance in the middle of flu season with a new baby, bills to pay, the soul crushing knowledge that on some level I had put us in this position by working there in the first place, and the entire holiday season ahead of me. Then things just kept happening. It felt like one trauma after another hit, and each was worse and more devastating than the last.

I don’t say this to invite you to join a pity party but to make those of you in the thick of this shit storm feel seen and heard. I am right there with you, braving the storm. Trust that as I have worked and powered through this year, I have not for one second forgotten how crushing the loss of a job can be – especially when you never saw it coming.

I have been living by the following notions and repeating them to myself like mantras for the past year or so as I try to remind myself that it will all be okay. Feel free to borrow them to get you through the holidays … or the days ahead that will feel just a little too hard.

  • Give yourself some grace. No one could have foreseen these circumstances. It was not your fault, so give yourself a break, work with what you’ve got, and hustle for the rest.
  • If I make things happy and fun, she will be happy and have fun.
  • Little things go a long way with little people. A Wednesday morning spent making pancakes and vacuuming is my toddler’s favorite way to start the day. Seriously, the kid loves the vacuum.
  • Give gifts from the heart rather than the store. What can I do, make, write, bake, or create that will make this person feel just as loved and cared for as they are?
  • Get creative. Make a coupon book for free but fun adventures. I gave my husband a coupon for Father’s Day that was good for a weekend fishing/camping trip. My daughter and I did some arts and crafts to make it, so it was a win all around. She had fun. It was tailored to his hobbies, and he gets a guilt-free getaway to do something that brings him peace and joy. He was pumped.
  • Think outside of the box. What do I have that someone else may need, and could we sell or trade it? (Thank you, Facebook Marketplace.)
  • This is temporary. This too shall pass. This pandemic will end. You will find work again. Things will get better.

And if all else fails… remember this:

You've Survived 100% of Your Worst Days So Far, Keep Going.

Photo Credit: Think Pozitiv

You will survive. You will learn and grow and be stronger for having lived through such a hard thing. You will have busted your butt to make ends meet and to make sure the people in your home are happy and healthy. Best of all, in the midst of chaos, you will have created a positive environment, strong coping mechanisms, and happy memories that will serve you, your family, and your friends in the long run.

So I’ll say it one more time in case you need to hear it again: Give yourself some grace and some time. Things will get better. Until then, know you are not alone. There are at least 11.1 million people in the U.S., plus one (that’s me) who understand your struggle. We’re all right here with you.