Introspection

2020: A Year in Review

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

It’s been a year.

Of course, it has actually been a year – 365 days. It has also been a year – an emotional rollercoaster. This ride had so many ups and downs, twists and turns that we got off, braced ourselves on any nearby stationary object, shook our heads, and tried to remember who and where we were, what the heck had just happened, and how we ended up here. Did I even want to go on this ride? (The answer: Likely a hard no.)

As the year changed and the anniversary of quarantine’s beginning approached, I thought about 2020. People are constantly saying on TV, on social media, in conversation what an awful year it was; and I thought, “Was it really, though? For me, personally, day-to-day, was it a completely awful year?”

So I dug a little deeper.

I looked back from start to finish. I used my planner and did some analysis as I flipped through each day, week, and month. (Mind you, this was not an overly sophisticated process: I did it on my daughter’s construction paper because it was the handiest piece of scrap paper I had at the time.) I wrote the bullet points and the highlights of each month until I had a bird’s eye view of the past year’s actions and accomplishments.

What I found: 2020 wasn’t just one thing. It was all the things, and maybe that is why it felt so overwhelming for so many people. Maybe, like me, they rode that rollercoaster through all of the ups and downs, twists and turns that came so quickly it was hard to catch their breath to scream or settle the weird “losing your stomach” feeling before the next direction change came.

Nonetheless, I also think it is easy to lose sight of the fact that there were ups, and some of those twists and turns took us in much healthier, more productive directions.

For all of the time we spent indoors, inside our homes, inside our heads, we weren’t stagnant. We kept moving. And that, friends, counts for a heck of a lot in my book – especially when moving forward (or even sideways) feels like it is taking more effort than we thought we had left to give.

So what did my 2020 look like? Well, it wasn’t all puppy dogs and rainbows or even sunshine and roses. I can tell you that. Like most, I had my share of the less desirable aspects of the year. Also, it took at least a year to gain this perspective (my personal shit-storm started in late 2019), but this exercise helped me find it.

I highly recommend you do the same and see how your year really was, not the year as told by the media or Covid-19. Maybe you will find that it was, in fact, an awful, no-good year…then again, you might find that it wasn’t so bad after all.

Here is the bird’s eye view of my 2020.

How did I spend my time, and what brought peace and joy to my life?

  • Writing: Freelancing and some writing for myself
  • In the Kitchen: Cooking, meal prepping, and baking both new and tried-and-true recipes
  • Cleaning: So. Much. Cleaning.
  • Doing Crafts: I made dog beds, table runners, and wreaths.
  • With My Daughter: From outside time, dance parties, dress up, making edible play dough, finger painting, and coloring to Mommy & Me workouts and walks outside
  • Entertainment: A huge thank you to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Disney+ for helping us distract ourselves, save our sanity, travel, have adventures, and “get out” from the safety of our living room; to my mom and my sister for recommending the Hoopla and Libby apps that connected to my St. Louis Public Library card and brought to life the audiobooks that helped me “read” more books than I would have otherwise had time to; and podcasts, so many podcasts that made me laugh, learn, think, and feel seen and understood.
  • Connecting: Phone dates, FaceTime, and a few socially distant visits with friends and family
  • Finally Venturing Out: Family drives, visits to the zoo and the pumpkin patch

What did I accomplish?

What did I learn?

  •  Transcription and Tutoring
  •  A TikTok routine with my sister as a gift for our mom on Mother’s Day
  •  Compartmentalizing
  •  The true value of a strong support system
  •  I don’t like to ask for help.
  •  My childhood uniquely prepared me for a pandemic.
  •  This is not new: Watching TV shows from 30-40 years ago confirmed that we’ve been talking and worrying about the same things as a society for much longer than we’d like to think. We are not quick learners.
  •  My husband can cut my hair. Oh yes, it happened.

What does the bird’s eye view of your 2020 look like?

I Thought by Now I’d…

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

I recently left one decade behind and went full speed ahead into another – in more ways than one; and I began taking stock of how far I’ve come in the past ten years.

The past decade has been interesting to say the least. It was full of growth and change and a roller coaster of emotions. I let go of things I loved and things that were toxic to me to explore the opportunity of finding others that would serve me better and make me happier in the long run.

And yet …  my life hasn’t quite turned out how I had imagined it would twenty, fifteen, or even ten years ago.

Fifteen to twenty years ago, I imagined that by now I would be married with at least two kids and another one on the way (or on our minds at least). I would be an active mom, raising my babies, taking part in their education, and teaching them about the world and how to be a good human. I would be published and fulfilled putting my words out into the world, helping people, and entertaining them too.

Ten years ago, I was heartbroken and more than a little lost. I truly couldn’t imagine where I would end up or how I would get there. Maybe I would be the favorite, super fun, single aunt who travels, always gives the best presents, and is the one my nieces and nephews call when their parents “just don’t get it.”

Rather than any of this, though, life looks a bit more like this quote my sister came across on the internet and shared with me than anything else:

Thoughts of Adulthood
Turning 30, for me, always signified the start of true adulthood. I would no longer be a kid, teen, or young adult. People just seemed to take 30-somethings more seriously than 20-somethings. Yet I still feel like a teenager a lot of the time – only with a lot more freedom and a lot more responsibility.

I imagined having a thriving career as a writer. I imagined writing whenever and wherever, so I could live my two biggest dreams simultaneously – being a writer and a stay-at-home mama.

It would give me the flexibility to create for myself (and my loyal and ever-growing audience of readers, of course), to be a Room Mom, to attend field trips, and get to know my kids and their friends. I imagined having a close, intimate relationship with them like the one I have with my own parents.

In reality, I accomplished only a few of my goals. I live only some of the dreams that I spent my life contemplating and pursuing.

I finished college a semester early, moved to the city where I wanted to live and work, could hang with (most of) my friends, and was still near family.

I met, dated, and married the man I had come to believe didn’t exist. (Surprise! He does.) We have one sweet, happy, healthy baby girl who lights up our lives every time she smiles. We have a dog and a house we’ve been renovating (another dream of mine).

These are the things I’ve achieved. These are the dreams I am living. And quite honestly, if these are the things I’ve accomplished in 30 years, I think I’m doing all right.

So what if I don’t have a career? Maybe the next 30 years are about building it. Maybe all the work I’ve done so far is laying the groundwork and giving me a wide variety of experience to use in the next chapter of my life and/or in my writing.

All of the things I have done and experienced thus far taught me something (or a lot of things). They made me a better person, employee, coworker, potential boss, partner, mama, daughter, sister, and friend.

If this is my life, and it looks different than I imagined 10, 15, 20 years ago, maybe that’s a good thing. It might just be the best thing.

Had my life not taken what I considered some hard lefts and detours, I may not have met my husband or had my baby girl. I might be a completely different person, perhaps even a miserably unhappy or selfish one. Maybe those things put me on a new, different, even better trajectory than I could have planned for myself.

If this is my life and I wake up to the sweet faces of my husband and my baby every morning, even as I rush to greet and get ready for the day, it is just fine with me.

Actually, I will have accomplished and be living my life’s biggest dream and greatest purpose.