For the Mamas of All Ages and Stages: A Thank You & A Survival Guide

I have had mamas on the brain lately. It could be that Mother’s Day was quickly approaching… or it could be all the women in my life at various stages of motherhood. Then again, it is likely a bit of both.

I knew I wanted to write something about these women in my life but didn’t quite know what. They’re everywhere – at work, at home, in the store, on my newsfeeds and various apps. They’re on my mind and in my heart. The trouble was there wasn’t just a one-size-fits-all way to address them.

That’s when I starting thinking about the common themes and stages of motherhood I see on a daily basis from my own village of women. That quickly led to the lessons they have taught me or stood by me as I learned for myself and how I could pay it forward a bit by sharing some of them here. *

You can think of this post as a gift guide for Mother’s Day (no doubt someone will need this after only realizing that Today is Mother’s Day), or as a guide for every day survival. It’s wild out there, we need all the help we can get!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be the woman or the mother I am today without the women in my life. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your hard-earned lessons, your hand-me-downs, your advice, your shoulders, your ears, and your unswerving support.

Cheers to all the mamas – whether you’re pregnant, nursing, a new mom, struggling with infertility, mourning the loss of a miscarriage or a child taken too soon, or a veteran with kids in various stages of schooling or out of the nest – this one’s for you.

For the Pregnant Mamas

Your body and your life are going through a ton of change. Not to mention, chances are you’re uncomfortable and trying to figure out all of the things. Here are a few things I learned with a little help from my friends.

  • Preggie Pops – A friend gave me some of these leftover from her recent pregnancy after asking how mine was going. Bless her. These kept my nausea at bay at some key moments in those early weeks of my pregnancy.
  • Pregnancy Pillow – Another friend let me try hers out when I went to visit her in her
  • Babyproofing Your Marriage – I don’t remember how I came across this book, but I can tell you – it is worth a read. It covers topics such as handling expectations, household chores and obligations, sex postpartum, and more from both sides of the equation. It was written by a group of friends trying to make it through life with babies, kids, and a husband without losing themselves, their minds, or their partners.

For the New Mamas

You’re navigating life with a little person who seems so familiar and so unfamiliar all at once. You’re getting to know each other in a whole new way. As you do that, here are a few things that made life easier for us!

  • NoseFrida – The amount of snot these tiny humans produce is astounding, and the bulb syringe just cannot get it all out the way this contraption can. It is oddly satisfying.
  • Boppy Lounger – Need free hands? Always. This thing will let you get ready for the day, do your nighttime ritual, and have dinner while your little cutie lounges cozily and happily.
  • Hatch – White noise is your friend. This thing can help later with training toddlers when they can get out of bed or how to wake up with an “alarm.” You can change colors, sounds, and set a schedule to automatically make the switch from sleep time to playtime.
  • Nested Bean – My baby woke up frequently and didn’t nap regularly or for longer than 20-30 minutes at a time for the longest time. I was desperate, and this thing popped on my Instagram feed. I bought a two pack and praised whatever tracking caused it to pop on my feed because it saved my sanity and let us all sleep for hours at a time.
  • Dimmable Lamp – This is great for those times when you have to wake up in the wee hours of the night to change diapers or feed your baby and need to see but don’t want to stimulate the eyes too much. There are three levels of brightness and it changes with a touch, so you don’t have to worry about navigating switches.

For the Nursing Mamas

My aunt sent me an unexpected surprise in the mail one day shortly after my daughter was born with a note that said these things got her through those early days of nursing and helped her stick with it. First, I cannot overstate how much a timely, thoughtful gift like this meant or how much it helped me feel seen and supported. It also 100% helped me do exactly what she said it did for her.

  • Lanolin Cream – Soothe those nips. As you try to perfect latches and holds and milk supply, one thing you don’t want to endure is raw nipples. Trust me.
  • Hot/Cool Compresses – Clogged ducts and engorgement, they sound about as fun as they are, but pop these in the freezer or the microwave and let that hot/cool compress work its magic to bring you some relief!

Your days and nights will be filled with nursing schedules and milk supply. I drank this smoothie every day for a good portion of my pregnancy and for a good while after delivery. Then I stopped, I went back to work, things got complicated, my supply dropped significantly, and I was searching Pinterest for all of the tricks other people had shared. What did I discover? My smoothie I’d been drinking for years was like a super supply booster! I started drinking it again, and BOOM! My supply increased immediately.

I make big batches and stick individual cups in my extra freezer in the basement, so I’ll get like a 14-18 day supply from about 20 minutes of prep. It saved time. It was easy enough that it made sure I ate/drank something for breakfast and kept me going until lunch without getting super hungry. And I attribute it to the success of my nursing and milk supply.

  • Smoothie Recipe – Note: I make this so often now that I just eyeball everything to taste but this will get you close:
    • 2 cups Kefir (usually plain or vanilla)
    • 2 cups Yogurt (usually vanilla)
    • 2-3 Bananas
    • 1 cup (or more) Peanut Butter – I eyeball it but about a cup or more. I love peanut butter and it is a big part of the supply boosting, so load ‘er up!
    • Crushed Ice

I put this in my 9-cup Ninja and blend until smooth. I do this about 3 times and pour each batch into some mason jar cups with handles that we have, plus some others. It varies, but I end up with between 14-18 days’ worth of smoothies. I put them in the freezer until I need them. Each evening I put one in the fridge to thaw overnight, and its usually just right and ready for me in the morning. If not, I pop it in the microwave on Beverage, and it’s good to go!

  • Pumping Bra – Because you need your hands to do other things besides hold the pumps to your boobs.

For the Waiting & Grieving Mamas

This day can be a brutal reminder of whom we want to add to our lives or whom we have lost. I see you. As you wait and/or grieve, make sure you take care not just of those around you or of the things that will help you get pregnant but also of yourself. It is so easy to become hyper focused on the goal or the loss and forget that you need to be comforted and treated. You need to laugh and to hope. You need something to do or plan when you’re up for it (or almost anyway) to give yourself something to look forward to.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and that’s what this section is all about promoting.

  • Something Soft – Get Cozy. Snuggle up and just be for a while. This is always so comforting and so underrated.
  • Something Sweet – “Treat yo’self.” We like grabbing a cupcake from The Cup!
  • Something Salty/Sour – Your Favorite Popcorn/Chips or Sour Patch Kids. You don’t need a reminder that things aren’t always puppy dogs and rainbows, but sometimes it is oddly comforting to get that different taste on your tongue!
  • Something to Make You Laugh – Laughing is healing and will soothe your soul.
  • Something to Read – Reading about creativity when you need an outlet, a project, something different than the things you “have to do” every day can inspire you to try something new, to take a chance, or to get you thinking about possibilities in a different way than you might normally.
  • Something to Give You Hope – Sometimes you just need a reminder that hope isn’t dead and that brings light and joy to your life in simple ways. I made this wreath for a friend, so she would see the light and color and hope of springtime and possibilities every time she walked through her front door.
  • Something to Do – Plan a (Road) Trip. Get out of town. A change of scenery. A new place to explore. It just does something to us. It gets us out of our comfort zones and changes our perspective and thinking. Traveling is a great way to get out of our own heads and revitalize our minds, bodies, and souls.

For the Veteran Mamas

You know all the things. You’re entering or are in the thick of a whole new stage of the game. That’s why your section is much more about intangibles: mental health, wellbeing, happiness, memory, and savoring.

  • Something to Learn – The Science of Wellbeing is a course I’ve mentioned before but cannot stress how interesting and valuable it is to learn about what really makes life worth living and makes us well and happy overall as proven by scientific studies.
  • Something to Boost Happiness – Happier with Gretchen Rubin. Who doesn’t need positivity and tips about how to be “happier, healthier, and more productive?” Gretchen Rubin does this podcast with her sister Elizabeth Craft, and it is some of the light and positivity we need in the world. It will make your day better and give you some gems of ideas for improving your every day life.
  • Something to Remind You – Touchstone. Sometimes we just need a reminder, a touchstone to help us remember what is important, what we value, or what our goals are. These soapstone hearts from Zee Bee, a local shop near me, were just the things I needed when I saw them.
  • Something that Feels Decadent  – A nap, a leisurely walk, a massage – whatever that thing is for you. Do it. Again, we say, “Treat yo’self.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

*Note: Nothing in this post is sponsored. These are all recommendations based on actually using and loving the products.

I Thought by Now I’d…

I recently left one decade behind and went full speed ahead into another – in more ways than one; and I began taking stock of how far I’ve come in the past ten years.

The past decade has been interesting to say the least. It was full of growth and change and a roller coaster of emotions. I let go of things I loved and things that were toxic to me to explore the opportunity of finding others that would serve me better and make me happier in the long run.

And yet …  my life hasn’t quite turned out how I had imagined it would twenty, fifteen, or even ten years ago.

Fifteen to twenty years ago, I imagined that by now I would be married with at least two kids and another one on the way (or on our minds at least). I would be an active mom, raising my babies, taking part in their education, and teaching them about the world and how to be a good human. I would be published and fulfilled putting my words out into the world, helping people, and entertaining them too.

Ten years ago, I was heartbroken and more than a little lost. I truly couldn’t imagine where I would end up or how I would get there. Maybe I would be the favorite, super fun, single aunt who travels, always gives the best presents, and is the one my nieces and nephews call when their parents “just don’t get it.”

Rather than any of this, though, life looks a bit more like this quote my sister came across on the internet and shared with me than anything else:

Thoughts of Adulthood
Turning 30, for me, always signified the start of true adulthood. I would no longer be a kid, teen, or young adult. People just seemed to take 30-somethings more seriously than 20-somethings. Yet I still feel like a teenager a lot of the time – only with a lot more freedom and a lot more responsibility.

I imagined having a thriving career as a writer. I imagined writing whenever and wherever, so I could live my two biggest dreams simultaneously – being a writer and a stay-at-home mama.

It would give me the flexibility to create for myself (and my loyal and ever-growing audience of readers, of course), to be a Room Mom, to attend field trips, and get to know my kids and their friends. I imagined having a close, intimate relationship with them like the one I have with my own parents.

In reality, I accomplished only a few of my goals. I live only some of the dreams that I spent my life contemplating and pursuing.

I finished college a semester early, moved to the city where I wanted to live and work, could hang with (most of) my friends, and was still near family.

I met, dated, and married the man I had come to believe didn’t exist. (Surprise! He does.) We have one sweet, happy, healthy baby girl who lights up our lives every time she smiles. We have a dog and a house we’ve been renovating (another dream of mine).

These are the things I’ve achieved. These are the dreams I am living. And quite honestly, if these are the things I’ve accomplished in 30 years, I think I’m doing all right.

So what if I don’t have a career? Maybe the next 30 years are about building it. Maybe all the work I’ve done so far is laying the groundwork and giving me a wide variety of experience to use in the next chapter of my life and/or in my writing.

All of the things I have done and experienced thus far taught me something (or a lot of things). They made me a better person, employee, coworker, potential boss, partner, mama, daughter, sister, and friend.

If this is my life, and it looks different than I imagined 10, 15, 20 years ago, maybe that’s a good thing. It might just be the best thing.

Had my life not taken what I considered some hard lefts and detours, I may not have met my husband or had my baby girl. I might be a completely different person, perhaps even a miserably unhappy or selfish one. Maybe those things put me on a new, different, even better trajectory than I could have planned for myself.

If this is my life and I wake up to the sweet faces of my husband and my baby every morning, even as I rush to greet and get ready for the day, it is just fine with me.

Actually, I will have accomplished and be living my life’s biggest dream and greatest purpose.