Parenthood

I Thought by Now I’d…

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

I recently left one decade behind and went full speed ahead into another – in more ways than one; and I began taking stock of how far I’ve come in the past ten years.

The past decade has been interesting to say the least. It was full of growth and change and a roller coaster of emotions. I let go of things I loved and things that were toxic to me to explore the opportunity of finding others that would serve me better and make me happier in the long run.

And yet …  my life hasn’t quite turned out how I had imagined it would twenty, fifteen, or even ten years ago.

Fifteen to twenty years ago, I imagined that by now I would be married with at least two kids and another one on the way (or on our minds at least). I would be an active mom, raising my babies, taking part in their education, and teaching them about the world and how to be a good human. I would be published and fulfilled putting my words out into the world, helping people, and entertaining them too.

Ten years ago, I was heartbroken and more than a little lost. I truly couldn’t imagine where I would end up or how I would get there. Maybe I would be the favorite, super fun, single aunt who travels, always gives the best presents, and is the one my nieces and nephews call when their parents “just don’t get it.”

Rather than any of this, though, life looks a bit more like this quote my sister came across on the internet and shared with me than anything else:

Thoughts of Adulthood
Turning 30, for me, always signified the start of true adulthood. I would no longer be a kid, teen, or young adult. People just seemed to take 30-somethings more seriously than 20-somethings. Yet I still feel like a teenager a lot of the time – only with a lot more freedom and a lot more responsibility.

I imagined having a thriving career as a writer. I imagined writing whenever and wherever, so I could live my two biggest dreams simultaneously – being a writer and a stay-at-home mama.

It would give me the flexibility to create for myself (and my loyal and ever-growing audience of readers, of course), to be a Room Mom, to attend field trips, and get to know my kids and their friends. I imagined having a close, intimate relationship with them like the one I have with my own parents.

In reality, I accomplished only a few of my goals. I live only some of the dreams that I spent my life contemplating and pursuing.

I finished college a semester early, moved to the city where I wanted to live and work, could hang with (most of) my friends, and was still near family.

I met, dated, and married the man I had come to believe didn’t exist. (Surprise! He does.) We have one sweet, happy, healthy baby girl who lights up our lives every time she smiles. We have a dog and a house we’ve been renovating (another dream of mine).

These are the things I’ve achieved. These are the dreams I am living. And quite honestly, if these are the things I’ve accomplished in 30 years, I think I’m doing all right.

So what if I don’t have a career? Maybe the next 30 years are about building it. Maybe all the work I’ve done so far is laying the groundwork and giving me a wide variety of experience to use in the next chapter of my life and/or in my writing.

All of the things I have done and experienced thus far taught me something (or a lot of things). They made me a better person, employee, coworker, potential boss, partner, mama, daughter, sister, and friend.

If this is my life, and it looks different than I imagined 10, 15, 20 years ago, maybe that’s a good thing. It might just be the best thing.

Had my life not taken what I considered some hard lefts and detours, I may not have met my husband or had my baby girl. I might be a completely different person, perhaps even a miserably unhappy or selfish one. Maybe those things put me on a new, different, even better trajectory than I could have planned for myself.

If this is my life and I wake up to the sweet faces of my husband and my baby every morning, even as I rush to greet and get ready for the day, it is just fine with me.

Actually, I will have accomplished and be living my life’s biggest dream and greatest purpose.

So This is 30

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

As my birthday approached, I did a lot of late-night thinking rather than sleeping. Of course, those midnight contemplations were mostly due to the tiny human who was waking up every night around 2 o’clock to nurse.

Either way, it gave me a good amount of time to take stock of my life. There have been a few seismic shifts recently, and this sort of introspection always seems necessary for me to process and move forward.

I felt – and still feel – a rising sense of urgency to get my act together.

Am I putting enough money away in savings, my 401k, and my investment accounts?

Should I pay off my car or trade it in for something new with warranty to better fit car seats and our budget?

Should we sell our house and move? Where would we even want to live? What areas have the best schools? Could we find an even more budget-friendly house and still have the things we want and need in a home?

How can I write more, make more money, and contribute more to our household? How can I do all of this and be the kind of woman, mama, and wife I want and strive to be?

The list of questions went (okay, goes) on and on as I tried to figure out at least some of these things in order to put my family and myself in a better position now and in the future.

My twenties were a decade of heartbreak, fun, growth, fresh starts, new opportunities, self-improvement, and self-discovery. I met some of my very best friends, learned a lot about life, love, and myself. I traveled, met the man who became my husband, changed jobs, moved, got married, and had my first baby.

There were bumps along the way that often felt like roadblocks. They forced me to turn corners and take a few detours I never anticipated; yet they eventually brought me to a better place. Come to find out, turning a corner (or two or three) in the “wrong” direction only to find more of the unexpected actually led me to the life I’d always dreamed of and made it all worth it.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

Now I find myself – ten years later – married with a baby, a dog, and a house, living in the city I’d always wanted. I’m dreaming more, bigger, deeper.

Is my life perfect? Hardly. I’m worrying over a whole new set of issues.

Am I truly lucky and blessed to have the life I have? Absolutely. I’m working extremely hard to remember that every day.

Do I still grieve (and maybe even throw myself a pity party) when something doesn’t turn out the way I had always planned, hoped, and dreamed? You bet your sweet little tooshie.

However, I don’t grieve the end of my twenties. I am looking forward to what the next ten years have in store for me and for my family. No doubt, it will be a decade of immense growth and change that will leave me staggered by how different my life looks from what it is today.

But today? Today I find myself saying, “So this is thirty” and taking a look at what that means.

It’s smiles and snuggles first thing in the morning.

IMG_9391

It’s a topknot, a cozy robe, and jammies that I realized were backwards and inside out only after I took the picture. Then I laughed and thought, “Whoops! Oh well. That just about sums my life up in one picture,” and started mentally drafting this post.

It’s asking for a nap for my birthday and truly wanting it more than anything else.

It’s career moves and all kinds of hustling.

It’s trying to find a work-life balance – whatever that means.

It’s knowing I’m a kid only at heart.

It’s a lot of things; but if nothing else, it is the beginning of a new stage of life.

I am looking out at the next ten years and can only imagine the joys and heartaches they will bring. I can also only hope and pray that the joy far outweighs the pain.

Bring it on, 30. Let’s see what you and your 9 other friends have in store for me.