For the Mamas of All Ages and Stages: A Thank You & A Survival Guide

I have had mamas on the brain lately. It could be that Mother’s Day was quickly approaching… or it could be all the women in my life at various stages of motherhood. Then again, it is likely a bit of both.

I knew I wanted to write something about these women in my life but didn’t quite know what. They’re everywhere – at work, at home, in the store, on my newsfeeds and various apps. They’re on my mind and in my heart. The trouble was there wasn’t just a one-size-fits-all way to address them.

That’s when I starting thinking about the common themes and stages of motherhood I see on a daily basis from my own village of women. That quickly led to the lessons they have taught me or stood by me as I learned for myself and how I could pay it forward a bit by sharing some of them here. *

You can think of this post as a gift guide for Mother’s Day (no doubt someone will need this after only realizing that Today is Mother’s Day), or as a guide for every day survival. It’s wild out there, we need all the help we can get!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would not be the woman or the mother I am today without the women in my life. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your hard-earned lessons, your hand-me-downs, your advice, your shoulders, your ears, and your unswerving support.

Cheers to all the mamas – whether you’re pregnant, nursing, a new mom, struggling with infertility, mourning the loss of a miscarriage or a child taken too soon, or a veteran with kids in various stages of schooling or out of the nest – this one’s for you.

For the Pregnant Mamas

Your body and your life are going through a ton of change. Not to mention, chances are you’re uncomfortable and trying to figure out all of the things. Here are a few things I learned with a little help from my friends.

  • Preggie Pops – A friend gave me some of these leftover from her recent pregnancy after asking how mine was going. Bless her. These kept my nausea at bay at some key moments in those early weeks of my pregnancy.
  • Pregnancy Pillow – Another friend let me try hers out when I went to visit her in her
  • Babyproofing Your Marriage – I don’t remember how I came across this book, but I can tell you – it is worth a read. It covers topics such as handling expectations, household chores and obligations, sex postpartum, and more from both sides of the equation. It was written by a group of friends trying to make it through life with babies, kids, and a husband without losing themselves, their minds, or their partners.

For the New Mamas

You’re navigating life with a little person who seems so familiar and so unfamiliar all at once. You’re getting to know each other in a whole new way. As you do that, here are a few things that made life easier for us!

  • NoseFrida – The amount of snot these tiny humans produce is astounding, and the bulb syringe just cannot get it all out the way this contraption can. It is oddly satisfying.
  • Boppy Lounger – Need free hands? Always. This thing will let you get ready for the day, do your nighttime ritual, and have dinner while your little cutie lounges cozily and happily.
  • Hatch – White noise is your friend. This thing can help later with training toddlers when they can get out of bed or how to wake up with an “alarm.” You can change colors, sounds, and set a schedule to automatically make the switch from sleep time to playtime.
  • Nested Bean – My baby woke up frequently and didn’t nap regularly or for longer than 20-30 minutes at a time for the longest time. I was desperate, and this thing popped on my Instagram feed. I bought a two pack and praised whatever tracking caused it to pop on my feed because it saved my sanity and let us all sleep for hours at a time.
  • Dimmable Lamp – This is great for those times when you have to wake up in the wee hours of the night to change diapers or feed your baby and need to see but don’t want to stimulate the eyes too much. There are three levels of brightness and it changes with a touch, so you don’t have to worry about navigating switches.

For the Nursing Mamas

My aunt sent me an unexpected surprise in the mail one day shortly after my daughter was born with a note that said these things got her through those early days of nursing and helped her stick with it. First, I cannot overstate how much a timely, thoughtful gift like this meant or how much it helped me feel seen and supported. It also 100% helped me do exactly what she said it did for her.

  • Lanolin Cream – Soothe those nips. As you try to perfect latches and holds and milk supply, one thing you don’t want to endure is raw nipples. Trust me.
  • Hot/Cool Compresses – Clogged ducts and engorgement, they sound about as fun as they are, but pop these in the freezer or the microwave and let that hot/cool compress work its magic to bring you some relief!

Your days and nights will be filled with nursing schedules and milk supply. I drank this smoothie every day for a good portion of my pregnancy and for a good while after delivery. Then I stopped, I went back to work, things got complicated, my supply dropped significantly, and I was searching Pinterest for all of the tricks other people had shared. What did I discover? My smoothie I’d been drinking for years was like a super supply booster! I started drinking it again, and BOOM! My supply increased immediately.

I make big batches and stick individual cups in my extra freezer in the basement, so I’ll get like a 14-18 day supply from about 20 minutes of prep. It saved time. It was easy enough that it made sure I ate/drank something for breakfast and kept me going until lunch without getting super hungry. And I attribute it to the success of my nursing and milk supply.

  • Smoothie Recipe – Note: I make this so often now that I just eyeball everything to taste but this will get you close:
    • 2 cups Kefir (usually plain or vanilla)
    • 2 cups Yogurt (usually vanilla)
    • 2-3 Bananas
    • 1 cup (or more) Peanut Butter – I eyeball it but about a cup or more. I love peanut butter and it is a big part of the supply boosting, so load ‘er up!
    • Crushed Ice

I put this in my 9-cup Ninja and blend until smooth. I do this about 3 times and pour each batch into some mason jar cups with handles that we have, plus some others. It varies, but I end up with between 14-18 days’ worth of smoothies. I put them in the freezer until I need them. Each evening I put one in the fridge to thaw overnight, and its usually just right and ready for me in the morning. If not, I pop it in the microwave on Beverage, and it’s good to go!

  • Pumping Bra – Because you need your hands to do other things besides hold the pumps to your boobs.

For the Waiting & Grieving Mamas

This day can be a brutal reminder of whom we want to add to our lives or whom we have lost. I see you. As you wait and/or grieve, make sure you take care not just of those around you or of the things that will help you get pregnant but also of yourself. It is so easy to become hyper focused on the goal or the loss and forget that you need to be comforted and treated. You need to laugh and to hope. You need something to do or plan when you’re up for it (or almost anyway) to give yourself something to look forward to.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and that’s what this section is all about promoting.

  • Something Soft – Get Cozy. Snuggle up and just be for a while. This is always so comforting and so underrated.
  • Something Sweet – “Treat yo’self.” We like grabbing a cupcake from The Cup!
  • Something Salty/Sour – Your Favorite Popcorn/Chips or Sour Patch Kids. You don’t need a reminder that things aren’t always puppy dogs and rainbows, but sometimes it is oddly comforting to get that different taste on your tongue!
  • Something to Make You Laugh – Laughing is healing and will soothe your soul.
  • Something to Read – Reading about creativity when you need an outlet, a project, something different than the things you “have to do” every day can inspire you to try something new, to take a chance, or to get you thinking about possibilities in a different way than you might normally.
  • Something to Give You Hope – Sometimes you just need a reminder that hope isn’t dead and that brings light and joy to your life in simple ways. I made this wreath for a friend, so she would see the light and color and hope of springtime and possibilities every time she walked through her front door.
  • Something to Do – Plan a (Road) Trip. Get out of town. A change of scenery. A new place to explore. It just does something to us. It gets us out of our comfort zones and changes our perspective and thinking. Traveling is a great way to get out of our own heads and revitalize our minds, bodies, and souls.

For the Veteran Mamas

You know all the things. You’re entering or are in the thick of a whole new stage of the game. That’s why your section is much more about intangibles: mental health, wellbeing, happiness, memory, and savoring.

  • Something to Learn – The Science of Wellbeing is a course I’ve mentioned before but cannot stress how interesting and valuable it is to learn about what really makes life worth living and makes us well and happy overall as proven by scientific studies.
  • Something to Boost Happiness – Happier with Gretchen Rubin. Who doesn’t need positivity and tips about how to be “happier, healthier, and more productive?” Gretchen Rubin does this podcast with her sister Elizabeth Craft, and it is some of the light and positivity we need in the world. It will make your day better and give you some gems of ideas for improving your every day life.
  • Something to Remind You – Touchstone. Sometimes we just need a reminder, a touchstone to help us remember what is important, what we value, or what our goals are. These soapstone hearts from Zee Bee, a local shop near me, were just the things I needed when I saw them.
  • Something that Feels Decadent  – A nap, a leisurely walk, a massage – whatever that thing is for you. Do it. Again, we say, “Treat yo’self.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

*Note: Nothing in this post is sponsored. These are all recommendations based on actually using and loving the products.

I Think of You: A Note from a New Mama

In the past three months, my life has forever changed. It has been a dream come true … and it has also been one of the most difficult times – mentally and emotionally – of my life.

While I am typically pretty good at keeping in touch with friends and family, in these past weeks, people have probably wondered what world I’ve been living in because it certainly wasn’t my usual one.

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They’d be right. I’m living in a whole new world in the white house at 6729. It consists of my husband, our dog Frank, one tiny human whom I love more than life itself, and me.

We have all been adjusting to our new life, and, for the most part, it has been an easy adjustment to make.

I have always wanted to be a mama. I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of it, watching and learning from other mamas before me, and figuring out what kind of mama I wanted to be when – God willing – the time came.

So when we found out I was pregnant, my heart was overjoyed. My prayers had been answered. My dream was coming true. When our daughter was born, it was like one giant puzzle piece in my life and in my heart fell into place. I slipped into my new role like a new dress tailor made for me. It fit perfectly and felt wonderful, powerful, and joyful.

But as my husband and I say, “It’s not all puppy dogs and rainbows.” First, labor and delivery is no joke. Second, recovery is no picnic either. It hurts. You’re sore. You’re tired (read: even more likely, you’re flat out exhausted). Not to mention, there’s a tiny human who is completely dependent on you for love and survival.

There are no breaks.

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Motherhood is diaper changes and nonstop nursing and a nap here and there – if you’re lucky. It’s learning her cues, so when feeding time comes, she’s not already ticked and starving.

It’s figuring out which diapers give the most coverage and the least likelihood of a blowout or diaper rash.

It’s tummy time – an activity she didn’t mind it in the beginning and now hates. That means you now have to find creative ways of getting that time in to build her muscles, so she can hit that next milestone and prevent a flat head.

It’s waking up at all hours of the night, then truly waking up sometimes and realizing you’d picked up and nursed your baby in your sleep. You know this because you’re holding her and your breast is out and near her little mouth like she’d passed out after she got her fill. It’s both amazing and a bit scary.

It’s learning that my body was built for this. I can survive on little to no sleep; finally, all those years of having trouble sleeping are paying off! My body can produce enough milk to feed my baby (something I know not everyone can do, which makes me extra grateful that I can), and I love being able to breastfeed her. My body handled pregnancy, labor, and delivery like a champ and has recovered quickly and well. For all of this, I am forever thankful.

It’s watching for signs of postpartum depression, so I monitored my mental and emotional state.

I also sat up thinking and praying and planning. I multitasked and kept the house (decently) clean. I took care of and made sure to give Frank love. I navigated my relationship and the changes that come with now being a wife and a mother. I racked my brain for any and everything that could be done from home to bring in money for the household, so I could stay home and be with my daughter because the thought of someone else watching her makes me cry and feel physically ill.

Through all of this, I have thought of my friends and family with whom I am typically good at keeping in touch. Lately, I haven’t been so good.

You may have wondered where I went. You may have been gracious enough to know that I was busy trying to learn how to be a mama and take care of a tiny human and just needed time to figure it all out.

You may have been worried about me, about how I was doing, about how I was dealing with everything, about how I’d do when maternity leave ended. (In fairness, I was asking myself all of these same questions.)

You may have thought I was too busy to think of you.

Well … some of all of that is true and warranted.

You may have asked yourself these questions but kept them in your heart; or you may have let it go long enough and checked in on me and asked – even if I didn’t always give you the full truth in return.

Know this, though, I did and do think of you. It’s just that:

  • It was at 2 a.m., I was up to nurse, and it wasn’t an appropriate time to call or text.
  • I got a free minute and a free hand, got ready to call you, and the dog needed to go out, the baby woke up again and needed fed, and/or I needed to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and hair, and shower – or it was never going to happen.
  • I had just enough time to get a couple of house chores done and they were all loud. A noisy call would be hard and rude; and texting would interrupt the workflow too much, so I wouldn’t finish what I needed to get done.
  • I wanted to talk to you but knew I’d break down if I heard your voice.
  • Or you’d ask about my return to work, and I couldn’t bear thinking about it or giving an answer that wasn’t even true just to cut off that line of dialogue.
  • I wanted to see you but knew you’d take one look at me and know I was struggling. I couldn’t handle the pity or an offer to help when I knew you already had a full plate of your own. Plus, other people trying to care for my baby stressed me out more than it helped.
  • I also couldn’t bear breaking down and spilling my struggles because they were things I needed to work out for myself and with my husband; and it felt like a betrayal of my relationship to talk to anyone else about them. The guilt of that was one more thing I could not add to my load.
  • I thought of you, but it was 2 a.m. again and not an appropriate time to call or text.

In the past three months, my life has forever changed. It has been a dream come true, and it has also been one of the most difficult times of my life. I may have been busy navigating my new norm but know I thought of you often. I just wasn’t always able to reach out like I would have before – for a number of reasons, none of which were really about you.

Thank you to those who have given me the grace of space and understanding and to those who have broken through with a message you couldn’t have known was so perfectly timed.