men

Love Your Body

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

Do you remember the “Sunscreen” song by Baz Luhrmann from the 90s? For those of you who do, you’re welcome for that dose of nostalgia. For those who don’t know it, listen at the link below. You’re also welcome.

It starts out like this:

Ladies and gentleman of the class of 97, wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

And I am reminded, as I have always known, that the same can be said of my blog. However, I continue to hope that you will keep reading, relating, and finding some entertainment in my thoughts and experiences. Besides, I have no more idea what I am doing in life than the next person, but I digress.

I have always liked this song, and its lyrics have stuck with me since I first heard it around age 8. Yet, some lines were brought to my mind more consistently over the years than the rest:

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh never mind. You will not understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in twenty years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine….

…. Enjoy your body. Use it in every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

In a 7-minute song, Baz Luhrmann spent a significant amount of time on body image. Can you imagine why that is? Perhaps it’s because everyone – and I mean everyone – has something about their body that they either don’t like or are insecure or self-conscious about. Maybe it’s our legs or our arms or our ears or our ankles. Whatever it may be, we all have something, and that something is almost always worse and/or weirder in our minds than it is in reality. But if there’s one thing that can always, always be counted on to make these insecurities rear their ugly heads, it’s wedding and swimsuit season.

In fact, I have seen and experienced both in the past year or so. Obviously summer a.k.a. Reveal-What-You’ve-Been-Hiding-Good-Or-Bad-All-Winter-Long season has just passed us by, and wedding season is in full swing.

I’ve been to at least 5 weddings in the past 12 months and was in two of them. And let me tell you, they were ripe with the “I need to lose this much,” “I want to get fit by this date before the wedding,” “I just want to get this or that a bit more toned” sort of comments. Why, you ask?

PICTURES! We know the way we look on this very special day is going to be immortalized in wedding photos for the rest of time (or at least until our grandkids sort through our belongings and give them the old heave-ho). If we don’t look our best, not only will everyone at the wedding notice, but everyone who looks at those photos over the next 70 years will too.

Oi, that’s a lot of pressure! And I’ve definitely been feeling it lately. One of my best friends is getting married next month, and I could not be more excited. However, as the wedding hit about the T-10 months mark, I became increasingly more anxious about how I looked. I vowed to use that time to get healthier, to get fitter, and to use the wedding as a deadline, a way to hold myself accountable. (Note: I have only kind of, sort of done this. I am acutely aware that it is my own fault that I do not look the best I can or would like.)

Then I met a man – a man I really liked from the start – and that only increased my anxiety about how my body looked. DANG IT! Why did I not look like the bangin’ chick I did a few years ago, when I was working out and eating healthy pretty much every day?

Um…because life gets messy and sometimes you have to take a break and eat some banana pancakes. It was then that I remembered this gem from EAT PRAY LOVE:

eat-pray-love-meme

I don’t know that truer words have ever been written or spoken, and thank God for them! The message is clear:

Love your body. It’s yours. Own it. Take care of it. Treat it to some pizza every once in a while without feeling guilty. But never, ever feel ashamed of it.

No amount of dieting, progress pictures, or swapping stories with the women (or the men, for that matter) in your life should make you feel bad about your body or make you feel like you have to change it for any reason other than you want to feel healthier and better in your own skin.

If you want to change something to make yourself feel better, I’m all for it. For what it’s worth, I support you 100%. Just remember, it’s not going to happen overnight. You can’t sit there after 10 push-ups and a set of 25 crunches like this:

do-i-have-abs-yet

It is hard work to stay active, to stay fit, to stay healthy when you have a job, friends, a significant other, kids, bills, family, etc., etc. But is it as hard as we make it out to be in our minds? You know, when we’re hunting for excuses not to go to the gym or work out or eat something green instead of that [Enter the Edible-Guilty-Pleasure-You-Can’t-Live-Without Here] on a consistent basis? Probably not.

So start small. Eat breakfast. Substitute one meal a day to make it a healthy one. Go for a walk a couple nights a week. Get a workout buddy or text your long-distance friend in another state (or country) who is trying to do the same thing, and keep each other accountable. Whatever works for you. The key is to find what works for you, not your friend’s cousin’s sister/brother-in-law. Make one change, then build on it.

Before you know it, you will be in a routine, living a lifestyle you couldn’t imagine a few months earlier. And you know what? You’re going to feel better. You’re going to have more energy. And most importantly, you’re going to look at your body in the mirror and be proud of how you look, how you feel, and the progress you have made – regardless of what any scale says.

(Side Note: My advice – Don’t own a scale. Or if you have one, throw it away. Evaluate your body and your progress by how you feel and how you see it. You don’t need a number to tell you how good or bad or indifferent you should feel about your body. It doesn’t matter. Let the doctor weigh you at check-ups and measure your progress in numbers then, if you must.)

It’s easy to forget that we all hold a unique beauty within ourselves, especially when we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Stop it. Compare your body to your body. Be the best version of you, not the best imitation of [Enter Your Dream-Body-Celebrity-Name Here].

Find a way to be happy with yourself no matter what size or shape you are. Love (or at least learn to like and appreciate) your body; and your body will show you some love right back with endorphins and other feel-good hormones, glowing skin, a spring in your step, and a quiet confidence that can’t help but attract good things and people to you.

If you take nothing else from this post, let it be this…

Love your body. It is unique to you. You don’t have to look like Barbie or Ken, your friends, or even your family. You have to look like you. You are beautiful. No matter what you may think, what other people may say, or what society tells us is the new “standard” for beauty. Your opinion is the only one that matters, and you’re the only one who can change it.

Bring ‘Em Back!

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

I happened upon this blog post, 10 Old-Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Bring Back. Read it. Loved it. Could not agree more. I liked it so much, I couldn’t help but pass it along to a girl friend as well as two guy friends we regularly hang out with and talk to. I routinely send these boys articles and unsolicited advice on dating, manners, and anything else I feel they could benefit from knowing or putting into their repertoire of habits and skills for the benefit of any girl they date and especially their future wives. (I call them boys because I have known them forever and despite the fact that I know they are technically young men, they and the rest of the young men we are friends with will forever be affectionately referred to as “The Boys” or “The Guys.”)

My girl friend’s response was, “Men need to get that carved into stone and have a copy as their guide to dating.”

One of the boys said, “Well I don’t know about you, but if a girl ever showed up at my door with flowers, I would be the happiest boy ever.” Of course, he’s pretending to not get the whole point of the article, but he has a point. Roles can be reversed and some men will like it, some will not. Same goes for women.

However, for those of us womenfolk who have received countless “I’m here” texts as we (try to) run out the door with our parents yelling after us, “Make that boy come to the door!” (And those boys came to my door whether they sent a text or not – Ielase House Rules). Who have been asked to hang out and been forced to decode the meaning of what “hanging out” actually means. Is it a date? Are we a couple? Are we “talking” (which by the way is the lamest terminology)? Is it just the two of us or is it a group? What do I wear to hang out! Or been with someone who is constantly on their phone, which ensues its own list of nasty questions like “Um…who are you talking to? Am I boring you? Do you even like me or are you making plans to go see the girl you really like as soon as you leave here?”

In short, it’s confusing; it’s bullshit; it’s annoying; and it simultaneously takes too little and too much effort to keep up with, mentally and emotionally. Emotionally? What? Just kidding, we don’t have feelings…except we do! Oh, and that wonderful assumption that sex is to be had. Soon. Like yesterday. As soon as you show the remotest interest. Sorry, not the case. Perhaps we’ve been there. Perhaps that is how we knew someone was even interested in us in the first place.

What is wrong with us!

Can we not show a little vulnerability? Can we not act like civilized human beings and communicate? We have all this technology to keep us connected. We are constantly talking to people through various mediums and yet…. we aren’t saying anything! We aren’t truly communicating because there are little acronyms like, “DTF” floating around the ether from one willing, able-bodied person to the next. And some people expect a meaningful relationship to come from this? Not likely.

I’m sorry, call me old-fashioned, but I think those 10 dating habits Kate Bailey proposes we bring back sound wonderful. To actually be asked on a real date by a man, who shows up looking like he made an effort to shower and smell nice (wardrobe is dependent on the activity; he could take me to paint ball or to an amusement park or to a concert), continues to be present on the date with me for its entirety, and, dare I say, open a door or two? I would have to consider him the best date I ever had (which is not a long list or hard to beat; he can thank the guys before him for setting the bar low).

I have spent years swimming in the sea of modern “dating,” which has very little resembling romance, and I can honestly say, “I’m over it.” It was fun at times but more often than not I was wishing for…more. I wanted someone who cared; who made an effort; who put themselves out there, even if it didn’t work out or they felt foolish; who was willing to admit to his friends he was going to spend time with me and liked me; who invited me into his life; who was passionate and affectionate; who was spontaneous and adventurous and treated me like a lady. I wanted basic human respect but more I wanted a little romance, even just a taste every now and then. I longed and long again for the old-fashioned (read: well-mannered, if you will) way of things.

I want someone to show genuine interest in me, so that I may do the same in return. Don’t think that I won’t or don’t give as good as I get; I’m the kind of girl that if you give a little, you’re going to get that and so much more. It’s just the way I’m built. I want someone to be vulnerable with, not just someone to be vulnerable so I hold all the power. I want someone I can date to find out if I want to marry him later. I’ve had enough of the games, enough of the confusion. It’s time to start treating each other as if we matter, as people for however long it lasts – one date, one month, one year, one lifetime.

What I’m saying is: bring those old-fashioned dating habits back. Bring ’em back! I know I’m not the only one who thinks this is a good much needed common practice to be reinstated. Can I get an amen?