Parenthood

Time vs. Money: Making the Hard Choice

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

For months, I have been thinking about the concept of time versus money. I have been trying to wrap my mind around it. Which is more important? Which do I value more? What can I afford? How can I justify my choice, and should I even have to?

I wish I could say it had been easy to figure out, but it wasn’t.

If you have read my last few posts, you know that within the past year I have had my first baby, turned 30, and reflected on where I thought I’d be in my life by now. What you may not know is that shortly after those first two events, I returned to work to find my position had been eliminated.

Because of each of these events, I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking. I took stock of what matters most to me, what I value, what I stand for, and what I could do that would allow me to stay true to those things – and to myself – while still doing what needed to be done.

Let me tell you, the struggle. was. real.

When I found a new job, I also found myself faced with the choice between time and money. I knew in my heart and soul what I wanted and needed. I always knew what I valued and what mattered most to me. Yet, I had to wage war with myself to make the choice.

In short, I had to be able to live with myself. I had to choose the path that would honor the person I need to be and the life I need to live.

Those questions I asked myself before? They were never really the questions that needed answering. They were merely exercises in the mental gymnastics I needed to do to lead me to the real questions: How do I justify my decision? And how do I make it work?

I wasn’t struggling between the desire for money or status or a fancy job. I was struggling because I had to justify my decision to my head and – I felt – to other people.

Should you find yourself in a similar situation, you should know:

  • Looking within you to find to the answers to those questions is not easy.
  • Justifying those answers to yourself, to your partner, to your potential employer, and to your bank account is even harder.
  • You will struggle.
  • You will be judged.
  • You will pray for things you never imagined needing.
  • You will cry – a lot.

At least, that’s how it worked for me.

In the end, though, if you do the soul-searching work, you will find the answers you need.

Ultimately, I chose time. And the choice came down to this:

More time with my daughter is something that I can never get back. 

That mental gymnastics I performed helped me come to my final decision. It helped me find peace; and it gave me the freedom (if only from myself and my urge to never disappoint the people in my life) to make that decision without constantly second-guessing myself once I had.

As for other people…I know I sacrificed money and some other things that they may find foolish or silly for just one more day a week at home, but that’s okay.

They don’t have to get it.

They aren’t living my life. They have their own choices to make, and I won’t always understand those either. And that’s okay, too.

Because if there’s a choice between time and money? For me, there is no choice.

Time wins – every time.

I will always remember the things I got to do with my daughter and how much I got to watch her grow and develop into the sweet, funny, joyful person she’s becoming.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity to take this time and make these memories with her.

I will always be thankful for the support I have received from those who love me.

You see, I will hustle, and I will sacrifice. I will do everything in my power to make it work because I will never regret taking this time.

That extra day a week at home has made a huge difference in my happiness. It has allowed me to find some balance in my responsibilities, my life, and myself. It has given me time to clean my house! It has taught me how to savor moments of joy and hold onto them through the hard times and challenges. It has made me a better version of myself. And for all of that, I am immensely grateful.

I will cherish this time – always – because these stay-home days have been the best days.

I Think of You: A Note from a New Mama

Posted on by Kaylin Stravalli

In the past three months, my life has forever changed. It has been a dream come true … and it has also been one of the most difficult times – mentally and emotionally – of my life.

While I am typically pretty good at keeping in touch with friends and family, in these past weeks, people have probably wondered what world I’ve been living in because it certainly wasn’t my usual one.

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They’d be right. I’m living in a whole new world in the white house at 6729. It consists of my husband, our dog Frank, one tiny human whom I love more than life itself, and me.

We have all been adjusting to our new life, and, for the most part, it has been an easy adjustment to make.

I have always wanted to be a mama. I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of it, watching and learning from other mamas before me, and figuring out what kind of mama I wanted to be when – God willing – the time came.

So when we found out I was pregnant, my heart was overjoyed. My prayers had been answered. My dream was coming true. When our daughter was born, it was like one giant puzzle piece in my life and in my heart fell into place. I slipped into my new role like a new dress tailor made for me. It fit perfectly and felt wonderful, powerful, and joyful.

But as my husband and I say, “It’s not all puppy dogs and rainbows.” First, labor and delivery is no joke. Second, recovery is no picnic either. It hurts. You’re sore. You’re tired (read: even more likely, you’re flat out exhausted). Not to mention, there’s a tiny human who is completely dependent on you for love and survival.

There are no breaks.

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Motherhood is diaper changes and nonstop nursing and a nap here and there – if you’re lucky. It’s learning her cues, so when feeding time comes, she’s not already ticked and starving.

It’s figuring out which diapers give the most coverage and the least likelihood of a blowout or diaper rash.

It’s tummy time – an activity she didn’t mind it in the beginning and now hates. That means you now have to find creative ways of getting that time in to build her muscles, so she can hit that next milestone and prevent a flat head.

It’s waking up at all hours of the night, then truly waking up sometimes and realizing you’d picked up and nursed your baby in your sleep. You know this because you’re holding her and your breast is out and near her little mouth like she’d passed out after she got her fill. It’s both amazing and a bit scary.

It’s learning that my body was built for this. I can survive on little to no sleep; finally, all those years of having trouble sleeping are paying off! My body can produce enough milk to feed my baby (something I know not everyone can do, which makes me extra grateful that I can), and I love being able to breastfeed her. My body handled pregnancy, labor, and delivery like a champ and has recovered quickly and well. For all of this, I am forever thankful.

It’s watching for signs of postpartum depression, so I monitored my mental and emotional state.

I also sat up thinking and praying and planning. I multitasked and kept the house (decently) clean. I took care of and made sure to give Frank love. I navigated my relationship and the changes that come with now being a wife and a mother. I racked my brain for any and everything that could be done from home to bring in money for the household, so I could stay home and be with my daughter because the thought of someone else watching her makes me cry and feel physically ill.

Through all of this, I have thought of my friends and family with whom I am typically good at keeping in touch. Lately, I haven’t been so good.

You may have wondered where I went. You may have been gracious enough to know that I was busy trying to learn how to be a mama and take care of a tiny human and just needed time to figure it all out.

You may have been worried about me, about how I was doing, about how I was dealing with everything, about how I’d do when maternity leave ended. (In fairness, I was asking myself all of these same questions.)

You may have thought I was too busy to think of you.

Well … some of all of that is true and warranted.

You may have asked yourself these questions but kept them in your heart; or you may have let it go long enough and checked in on me and asked – even if I didn’t always give you the full truth in return.

Know this, though, I did and do think of you. It’s just that:

  • It was at 2 a.m., I was up to nurse, and it wasn’t an appropriate time to call or text.
  • I got a free minute and a free hand, got ready to call you, and the dog needed to go out, the baby woke up again and needed fed, and/or I needed to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and hair, and shower – or it was never going to happen.
  • I had just enough time to get a couple of house chores done and they were all loud. A noisy call would be hard and rude; and texting would interrupt the workflow too much, so I wouldn’t finish what I needed to get done.
  • I wanted to talk to you but knew I’d break down if I heard your voice.
  • Or you’d ask about my return to work, and I couldn’t bear thinking about it or giving an answer that wasn’t even true just to cut off that line of dialogue.
  • I wanted to see you but knew you’d take one look at me and know I was struggling. I couldn’t handle the pity or an offer to help when I knew you already had a full plate of your own. Plus, other people trying to care for my baby stressed me out more than it helped.
  • I also couldn’t bear breaking down and spilling my struggles because they were things I needed to work out for myself and with my husband; and it felt like a betrayal of my relationship to talk to anyone else about them. The guilt of that was one more thing I could not add to my load.
  • I thought of you, but it was 2 a.m. again and not an appropriate time to call or text.

In the past three months, my life has forever changed. It has been a dream come true, and it has also been one of the most difficult times of my life. I may have been busy navigating my new norm but know I thought of you often. I just wasn’t always able to reach out like I would have before – for a number of reasons, none of which were really about you.

Thank you to those who have given me the grace of space and understanding and to those who have broken through with a message you couldn’t have known was so perfectly timed.